Breaking News on Breaking Wind

Thank you BBC for brightening up an otherwise dull day in the library. The story about the flatulent dinosaurs was a winner. Shame it wasn’t April 1st. If you missed it, it’s apparently been shown that dinosaurs breaking wind may have been responsible for raising the temperature on planet earth by 10 degrees and thereby bringing on global warming and (presumably) their own demise.

I am tempted to say this story is just a lot of ‘hot air’ but that would be a cheap line. But, really, what practical application does this information have for us today? Are we going to ask people if they’d like to make a donation to ‘off-set’ their consumption of sprouts? We already have water meters in our home, what about methane monitors in the bathroom? Or (what the heck) lets go the whole way and put them in public conveniences complete with flashing red lights and siren alarms: ‘Dangerously high levels of emissions.’ Set one of those off and you’d never come out the cubicle for shame! Perhaps the design could include a paper bag dispenser (for putting over your head as you leave).

Sadly, now that most normal (and private) of bodily functions, a ‘blessing’ according to Julian of Norwich of all saintly people, is tainted with anxiety: it seems my global footprint might not have been the problem, my ‘fart-print’ should have been my real concern.

(Sorry for lowering the tone of this blog but if it amuses you here is the link: )

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