Christmas in November

Yes, I know it’s too early. Christmas is 5 weeks today and we’ve still got the whole of Advent to get through but I’m in a mood to celebrate.

Many vicars dread the Christmas season and not without reason, it’s a full on period with lots of extra services. But compared to this time last year: this Christmas should be a doddle.

Last year I had started in my new post, my first incumbency (“vicar job”) lots of extra responsibility and no team of colleagues in the same church with me. The scaffold of all the mentors and trainers I could turn to in my curacy years suddenly felt very absent.  It was like being sent up a ladder with  a copy of the BIG YELLOW book (“Practical Church Management”) in one hand and the diocesan phone directory in the other. My only safety net a Facebook group called ‘Newbie Vicars’ where no question was too stupid and sympathy and encouragement was palpable.

On top of this we moved into the Vicarage on Dec 10th and moved my mother into her house on Dec 1st. All of November had been spent shuttling between old house, new house, mum’s house, trying to get to grips with the new job, seeing electricians, gas engineers and workmen in three different houses. It was nightmarish. I never ever want to go through such an experience again. (To all curates out there: never agree to be installed in post before moving into vicarage). The rest of December was a blur – we ‘did’ Christmas at church just the way it was always done (no bad thing for my first year there) mostly because I didn’t have a shred of creativity left in me.

So yes, this year feels a whole lot different and tomorrow November 21st we will have a family Christmas meal because Matt will not be with us at Christmas: he will hopefully be busy ‘pot-washing and night-portering’ in Courchevel (as well as fitting in as much snow-boarding as he can).

There are other reasons to celebrate too: Emma our daughter got engaged to Ben and it’s full steam ahead with wedding preparations for next June. Going to look at wedding venues in late October we felt offered us little hope of a 2015 wedding but as we all stood in the grounds of the most beautiful venue we went to, we held our breath when Emma was asked the question ‘when were you thinking about having your wedding?’

‘Err, well June 2015 ideally’ she said tentatively

‘Oh well then, that’s alright’ the lady said, ‘if you’d said June 2016 you’d have been disappointed but we have availability in June 2015!’

Then we found a caterer with only one date to spare in June: yes, the date was the date we wanted. There is a lovely sense of someone going ahead of us.

emma and ben engagement

Other huge reasons for celebrating are that I feel better than I’ve felt for most of the year. After a major crash in March and April, I have only climbed up very slowly out of a pit of exhaustion with all the accompanying loss of self-confidence that feeling constantly drained always brings.

On the Sunday of my first anniversary  in post, we welcomed two new recently confirmed members into church. There are other new regular members too, which is fab as well as new heating, new services and a new website. The ‘old’ (ie ‘pre me’) members are also fab, many very hard-working, in small churches everyone needs to do something!

We are also grateful that Matt got safely across Europe into Morocco and back again on a motorbike between August and November. He has had a great time stopping off at lots of animal sanctuaries and farms along the way. In Morocco he helped turn an animal sanctuary into a registered charity with it’s own Facebook page (look up Four Legged Animal Sanctuary) and he’s been invited back there next May to be their Sanctuary manager for six months. Having gained all his Vet qualifications and graduated in July, he’s having a lot of fun before ‘serious’ career effort kicks in.

matt goats

If you’d like to ride with him on his bike through Europe in under 3 minutes, go and look at  (if the link doesn’t work try searching ‘Big Europe Trip plus Morocco’)

So yes, lots of reasons to celebrate. We like living in the Vicarage particularly now that David has insulated every draught out of existence and Matt painted the front door and garage door a lovely and, oddly, Moroccan blue.  We’ve made friends with lovely neighbours and made lots of new connections in the community. My mum also has thoroughly settled in to her new environment.

On Facebook at the moment people are posting up photos that make them smile. Well, here are some more, also all from this year.

2014-07-28 13.55.54

David and I enjoying our first cycling holiday together. No bikes in sight and lots of ice-cream – that’s the way to do it.


Mum on her birthday in July.


The joy of getting to the end of five years hard work.

And finally, my four-legged faithful friend who endured much sofa time with me earlier in the year and not enough walks. Thanks to Jim who suggested a caption for this photo ” I hope you know the reverse spell to change David back the way he was’. 🙂

mum and bob

Christmas in November? Well as Christmas is literally a celebration of ‘God with us’ – I’m happy to celebrate the truth of God becoming part of the human race ANY month of the year.


“Be Happy” – yes, but how?

Is it me or has anyone else noticed that we are being bombarded by lists of instructions to ‘Be happy/Be creative/Be patient’ at every turn.

Here is one such list I saw for sale in shop whilst on holiday

2014-07-23 16.35.20These lists pop up all over the place. Twice I’ve seen them on shopping bags (but I didn’t have the courage to stalk the person carrying them just to take a photo) but clearly there is a marketing trend trying to tap into our deepest aspirations – to be happy, good, beautiful, kind, considerate people.

There are several reasons such lists make me say ‘Hmm’ . I don’t mean to be contentious as  the qualities we are urged to express are very often worthy but there is a big part of me that says ‘Yes BUT, it’s not that easy.

First objection: It’s not that easy to pin down what are the actual things it would be most beneficial for us to be. One bag I saw said ‘Dance, sing, floss and travel’. Now I understand items 1,2 and 4 but ‘floss’? Really? Will I be a better person if I simply floss consistently?  Anyway some of the loveliest people I know can’t dance, can’t sing and have never travelled much beyond their home town.  In spite of this (and perhaps to the astonishment of those who think such things as travel or music essential) they still manage to be human beings with big, generous, calm, contented and well-ordered souls.

Second objection: the propaganda behind such lists is a false assumption –  and the false assumption is that ‘merely wanting to be a nice person’ will make me a nice person. It really isn’t that straightforward. Who of us doesn’t want to be a nice person? No-one would disagree with the idea that if we could all just be nice/polite/kind/generous etc the world would be a better place. But we aren’t and the world is often a yucky place where children are oppressed and the vulnerable rejected.

Just sitting having beatific thoughts about love, truth, goodness, honesty, compassion isn’t enough to change us.

We are fundamentally and  deeply flawed – broken inside- and this disintegration between our wills (our good intentions), our feelings, and our actions is what the Bible calls sin. Paul in the letter to the Romans writes

‘so the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want todo what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do what I hate’

Substitute the word ‘law’ for ‘list’ like the one above and Paul is expressing exactly my discomfort with this list. I admire the list, I want to have/demonstrate all those good qualities but some how I simply can’t: I stop short of stealing (clearly wrong) but can I give generously (clearly good)? I don’t like it when people are unkind, or inconsiderate to me or call me names but when I call them names or speak disparagingly about them, I rationalise it ‘I’m not a bad person, they deserved it, they hurt me’. We rationalise  all sort of small deceits and slights (‘I’m not really queue jumping or speeding, I’m just a very busy person with a lot of things to do’).

We have what John Ortberg calls a ‘God given ache for goodness’ which is why we admire these aspirational lists but without God reintegrating (‘curing’) our souls we have no power to achieve it. There are numerous lists in New Testament of qualities which God followers should reflect but  none of these passages suggest we should just get on with it by ourselves. Every time we are directed to the fact that it is only as we stand in right relationship with the one who made us, that we find the power to live the way that Creator intended us to live.

‘The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control’. Galatians 5:22

‘To focus on my soul means to look at my life under the care and connection of God… to focus on my self apart from God leaves me powerless to change’ but the modern world revolves around the self and not the soul. ‘The self is a stand alone, do it yourself unit while the soul reminds us we were not made for ourselves’ (summarised from a brilliant book I have just read called Soul-keeping: caring for the most important part of you by John Ortberg).

And that’s the problem with all of these lists – they are ‘self improvement’ projects and we can no more self improve ourselves than we can pull ourselves up by our own bootlaces.  God offers ‘soul transformation’ but it only comes about slowly and only when God has a proper place in our lives.

That’s why you don’t see the advertising/marketing people mass producing fancy artworked version of the 10 Commandments or even of Jesus’s summary of 2 Commandments (love God and love other people) both of which are impossible to improve on as far as a summary of how humans should live in way that results in a good society. When God gave the first list he as good as said ‘write it down, pin it up on your walls, (he actually said ‘pin it to your forehead’ which is why devout Jews have little boxes on their head and wrists to remind them of the law).  But because both of these lists start with putting God in his proper place, they are no longer popular, instead we get these hopeful but fairly vapid, meaningless alternatives. We all want to be nice people but only when we orientate our lives around worship and love for God (what we were made for) do we find that we are no longer alone in the process of transformation.  The trouble is most people prefer to be self-directed not God directed.

‘You are an unceasing spiritual being with an eternal destiny in God’s great universe… the most important thing about you is your soul. What you are constructing, the person you are becoming is the only thing that will last. You were made for God, and made to need God, which means you were not made to be self sufficient.  Your soul can be right when everything in your world is all wrong. And sooner or later everything in your world will feel all wrong – what will matter at that moment is the soul you have constructed’. (Ortberg)

So ‘be happy/be understanding/generous/patient’ but don’t kid yourself that you can do it on your own. You need forgiveness first for the cracked pot state of your own soul and only then can you find forgiveness/patience/compassion/kindness for all the other cracked pots around you.

 soulkeepingPublished byZondervan 2014

Happy New Year! Ovey!

I am very late with my New Year Greetings this year but  not 9 months late, just 9 days. I meant to put this post up on Sept 1st which always feels far more like New Year to me  than January 1st ever does. Not alot changes in January apart from a number. Whereas in September everyone ‘moves up’ and moves on, at least that’s the way it feels. You can tell I’ve been locked into an academic lifestyle for most of my life. Also September is THE best month of the year for all of us with a ‘stationary addiction’, the shops positively bulge with pens, notebooks, files and diaries. I’ve just bought my next one (it took two trips into town and much enjoyable dithering. I don’t know why people have filofaxes or digital diaries, where’s the fun in that?) In fact I actually bought two diaries but I promise to take the first one back, mind you today I’ve seen another one in a catalogue that looks really lovely….

This the first summer in pretty much my whole life that I have had to ‘work’ (as in ‘paid employment’) all the way through summer and it’s been really weird. September 1st marked the start of my second year of ‘vicar training’ and because I am not doing it full time at theological college, I have been at work in the parish all summer.  The up side of this change is taking holidays in term time (cheaper and quieter, yippee!) the downside is working when it feels like ‘everyone else’ is taking it easy. Everyone else under 18 that is.

So I have gleefullly rejoiced at the sight of school children clogging up the pavements in the mornings (not so happy about their parents clogging up the roads). At last, everything is getting back to normal, people are where they should be and getting on with ‘stuff’.

We are not quite at that happy point yet in our household. Matt returns from India on Saturday (he is all better now apparently) and is back at Uni a week later. A week after that we will go away on holiday, happy in the knowledge that all other family noses are appropriately pressed to grindstones! Hoo- RAH!

By the way, the swimming malarky/cure (see post ‘Just Keep Swimming’) has worked. I am most pleased to report that I have been sleeping much better since about 1 week into the swimming plan and am feeling much more mentally robust. Thank you for many kind thoughts either posted or prayed my way.  I still don’t actually LIKE swimming and have to drag myself off the sofa while every muscle in my body protests loudly about the dangers of exercise, the temperature of the water and chilly changing rooms. But it does work, those feel-good endorphins have finally kicked in.

So here’s to a happier new year!

p.s.  Have just found out that Sept 9th is Rosh Hashanah also known as Jewish New Year! So it seems my greetings are more timely than I’d realised. (I didn’t hear any rams horns being blown, I just heard in on Radio 2!) The Jews begin their new year with a 10 period of reflection and repentance, resolving to live better in the year ahead than in the year that’s been. They also eat alot of apples and honey – all of which seems very sensible to me. So ‘Shana Tova’ everyone.

Okay, finally at the risk of offending both Buddhists and Jews, this is very funny: a Jewish take on ‘new age nonsense’. I’ve italicised the Jewish voice for you

Jewish Buddhism
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life;
with the first sip, joy;
with the second sip, satisfaction;
with the third sip, peace;
with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health,
or a life without problems.
What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life,
you never called,
you never wrote,
you never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

submitted by Mark Miller to -don’t know if he wrote it but I enjoyed it.

Cockerpoo Puppy Parade!

We have recently been in touch with the other owners of puppies from the same litter as our beloved Bobby dog. So here is a slideshow of Bobby and his brothers and sisters! 

The puppies are now 10 months old. Their dad was brown miniature poodle and their mum a black and white cocker spaniel. And what an amazing variety of puppies they have produced!

Winnie (the wet dog in the woods and the one bounding along the beach) seems to be the smallest and the one with the most poodle like hair. Our own Bobby doesn’t have very poodle hair and does shed a bit. All owners report happy, mischievous but good-natured dogs. The benefits of this blended breed are intelligence and trainability, but they are also just very cute.

Here (possibly not in this order) are: 

Kiara – sleeping on a bed  Noodles – in the garden, Ted (puppy from 2nd litter) sleeping on sofa and half off bed, Charlie on a red cushion(from 2nd litter), Bobby on a Duvet,  Patch  sitting on sofa, Kiara (black) on the floor, Tascha on the floor x2,  Kiara in snow, Winnie in a field, Winnie close up, Bobby sitting nicely for his photo to be taken,  Bobby having destroyed a toy in 20 minutes ( ‘what do you mean I wasn’t supposed to eat it?’), Alice (puppy from 2nd litter)sitting/lying on green grass. Hope you enjoy the parade.


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And because usually this blog oftens contains weighty spiritual stuff about God (well, okay not that weighty) I’ll end with a joke:

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.

And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased. And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.

‘Sex Life in Marriage’ 1948

A friend recently gave me a second hand book she knew I’d find interesting:

Sex Life in Marriage by Dr G Richard, a swiss academic, published in 1948, selling at the time for the princely sum of  2 and 6 ( could some one please tell me what that means in real money?)

Having written my own book on the subject of sex (Who Stole your Sex Life?  Kingsway 2007 £8.99, whoops, probably alot more than 2 and 6) I was fascinated to read what advice the good doctor gave all those years ago.

The subtitle is ‘An Aid to the Solution and Adjustment of Fundamental Problems of Married Life’. So sex is fundamental. Good, at least we are agreed on that. It is an unspoken assumption of the book that sex does NOT happen outside of marriage so he spends alot of time talking about the first experience. (His view is that it’s a father’s job to tell their sons how to get through their wedding night. Like that ever happened!*)

In the 84 pages much space is given to the issue of ‘frigidity’ in women and very little space to the problem of ‘impotence’ in men.  Frigidity is a wonderfully old fashioned word, the connotations of which would be lost on my husband. For him the word would be an explanation for the fact that my feet are always cold in bed, the idea of metaphorical ‘cold feet’ would be completely lost on him! Personally I find that in order to talk successfully about sex you do need to spell things out a little more clearly which does require the use of technical terms.

Dr Richard clearly struggled with technical terms.  He couldn’t quite bring himself to ‘name the parts’ (you know the parts I mean, if I name them the chances are this blog post will get blocked) He didn’t have any such problem but he still couldn’t use one single proper noun in the whole 8 pages given over to ‘technique’.  In other words he doesn’t  tell you which bit does what, why or how. Bit of a problem that, given that in 1948 ignorance about body parts was endemic.  So in terms of a manual, it’s not that helpful. Everything is suggested by allusion,  the word o***** (fill the the blank in your head please) is allowed but how you acheive it is slightly mysterious, it has something do with reaching a state of complete relaxation (which bodes well for sitting out in the sun later this afternoon!!!). And as for what ‘it’ is – he resorts to six lines of poetry from a dead Roman poet. Hmm, like that’ll help!

All of which makes me grateful for the freedom we have to speak/learn/write (filters permitting) about something that is so fundamental to being human. In my book I postulated that ‘for all the freedom of information, all the educational material…even given the non-judgemental attitudes, there is no evidence to suggest that people are any more secure about themselves as sexual beings’. Now I’ve read Sex in Marriage, 1948, I may need to revise that view.

*Whilst researching my book I did ask women for the best advice passed on to them by their mothers – the best one I uncovered was  ‘keep a glass of water by your bed – it’s thirsty work’. Goodness, it sounds worse than being ‘sent down pit!’

An experience every woman understands… public toilets!

A totally frivolous post this one, but very funny…

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern ‘seat covers’ (invented by someone’s Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ‘The Stance’.

In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold ‘The Stance.’

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.

In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, ‘Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!’ Your thighs shake some more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday – the one that’s still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn’t work.

The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

‘Occupied!’ you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper – not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you’re certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, ‘You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can’t figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)

You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, ‘Here, you just might need this.

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men’s toilet. Annoyed, he asks, ‘What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? you’ve GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately. This was sent to me by Helen in an email, thank you Helen.   I was still giggling 6 hours later… Why is it we hear our mother’s voice in our heads whenever we visit a public toilet

While we’re on the theme of toilets:  this is a picture of a public toilet in Houston

Now that you’ve seen the outside view,
take a look at the inside view…

It’s made entirely of one-way glass!

No one can see you from the outside, but when
you are inside it’s like sitting in a clear
glass box!

Now would you.. COULD YOU….???   

Next here is a picture of a painted bathroom floor… you are on the 10th Floor of a high rise building, imagine you are at a party,

You open the door…

Scroll sloooooooowly.

It takes your breath away, doesn’t it.  Would this mess up your mind???  Would you be able to walk into this bathroom?


The ‘God’ Particle

My alarm clock radio woke me this morning with the news that scientists would today be attempting to re-create conditions at the start of the universe. Hmm, human beings re-enacting the ‘big bang’? Sounds pretty dodgy to me, let’s hope they know what they are doing.  What if they end up with a whole new universe on their hands? Responsible procreation is usually called safe sex. I’m wondering if this is safe science? Apparently detractors have raised concerns that black holes could be created that would swallow us up. How ironic, to meet our end whilst investigating our beginning!

Researching this subject just out of interest I have learnt that a ‘new era in particle physics’ has dawned today in the Large Hadron Collider somewhere near Geneva. In a 17 mile underground tunnel beams of protons have been made to whizz around at incredibly high speeds in opposite directions. When these collide something known as an ‘event’ occurs. The word ‘event’ rather implies a uncertainty about what is actually happening. Anyway they are experiencing these ‘events’ at a rate of 40 per second which is apparently very good.

I should blinking hope so. With a price tag of $10 billion for this project these are pricey events to stage. Obviously finding to the so called ‘God particle’ doesn’t come cheap. This is a particle that will help scientists understand why matter has mass. Forgive my ignorance but it surprises me that we don’t already know why matter has mass. And if we don’t know something so fundamental, then what else don’t we know?

 It reminds me of a joke. Two biologists come to God and announce that they have discovered how life evolved on earth. They announce that they too can now create a human from the dust of the earth.

‘Very good’ said God, ‘why don’t you demonstrate this for me’

‘Okay’ they said ‘First we take the dust….’

‘Oh no, no, no’ said God ‘Go get your own dust!’